He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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