Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
