Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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