Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize