You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize