Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
