when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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