U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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