By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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