What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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