I hate your face
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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