it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
