There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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