hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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