I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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