Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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