i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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