Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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