Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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