In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
