I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
