I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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