It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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