I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
