If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
