Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I understand Curling. That high.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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