You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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