We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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