He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
