You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
