Can i not drive my cunt home
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
