My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
