Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize