i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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