you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
