If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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