apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
