I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
