Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
