I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
