Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize