also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
