The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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