i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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