Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
