I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
