the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
