I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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