Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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