I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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