I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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