he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
