The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sobbing to NWA
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
