I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Girls should come with a carfax report
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
