thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
