so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
