You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
