oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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