i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
