Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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