I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
