your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
