Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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