i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
