If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
