It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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