since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
