i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
