He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
