i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
